Wednesday, 31 August 2011

zebra brag

So this is lil zebra, I still need to make 1 and 1/2 legs and attach them and finish the mane.
I followed the pattern for the perfect pony (from for the head but made up the body and neck to make it more cartoony. The legs are from the pattern as well but I made the slightly fatter and a bit longer.
Enjoy LSG hookers. more finioshed project pics to follow.

Sunday, 28 August 2011

This is my one and only tat and I wnted to explin its meaning to all you people.
I have three dragon flys tattooed on my ankle. one is a large one with swirly bits coming off the head and tail. that represents me and the swirls all the changes and different paths my life has taken so far. the other two dragonflys are smaller and pink, they are my two daughters and they are flying in the path behind the bigger dragonfly. that is supposed to show them following in the path ive beaten but they are also off to each side slightly to show they are free to choose their own paths as well. I plan to add another green one to represent my step daughter, she will fly next to my dragon fly to show that i am guiding her but by no means expect her to follow me. I left ample room to add a blue one one day wink wink husband…

Saturday, 27 August 2011


im drunk. I drunk wine and im drunk. this is so much fun hehehehehehe woot woot

Tuesday, 23 August 2011

still robbing me 2 years later

I had my house burgaled two years ago by scott, daniel, and josh fowls. they stole a lot of stuff in cluding a mobile phone that was on contract. It was going to cost me $360 to get the contract disconected  and I couldnt afford it because I had to replace $500 worth of food and meat they took. Because of this It went to a debt collectors and I now have a bad credit rating, this has stopped me from getting a mortgage, from putting a set of swings on layby for my kids, and now from getting a job!

I was already to start at a new job with a large jewlery company and as part of the application process they had to run a credit check on me. Somthing to do with working with high price item etc which is fair enough, but because these dick fucks stole a phone back in september 2009 I now cant have this job.

I hope some one that knows these boys lets them know that they are still ruining shit for me and no doubt other people two years later!

Thursday, 18 August 2011

Short story


Lilly leaned from her bed and drew back the curtains. She had heard her sisters, Jillian and Gemma, whooping with joy earlier that morning and now she could hear them squealing outside her window. Thump, thump, thump. Three patches of white appeared on her window, and then Jillians’s face appeared beside one of them.
“Hey Lil, This is fantastic! Its sooooooo cold out here. Me and Gem are making snow angels now, tell Mary to bring you out to see!”

Lilly rolled over and pulled the covers over her head. It wasn’t fair; Gemma and Jillian always got to do outside things! Why did it have to be her that couldn’t walk and run it the snow? Stupid legs, stupid lungs, stupid spine! She was always the one who had to miss out on the things all the other kids took for granted. Her one wish was to take her sisters hands and walk down to the river in the bright sunshine and have picnic. But because of her condition she would never be allowed to do that, never mind be able to.

Mary came in just then and gently pulled the cover away from Lilly’s face.
“Come on Hun, let’s get you up. The other girls want to show you something in the yard”
“No! I’m not going out there to watch them run around and have fun! I don’t want them to show me what I can’t do, I already know.” Lilly sourly replied.
Mary coxed her out of bed despite Lillys repeated protests, she got her into her chair and wheeled her down the corridor to the mud room where she helped lily into on her warm water proof snow suit.
Outside her sisters were running around throwing balls of snow at each other and the dog. Lilly could see the prints in the snow where they had lay down and made images of flying angels in the soft powder. Gemma saw Lilly and Mary and called them over.
“Hey Lil, we made some thing for you”
“Uh huh” Lilly replied “bet you had fun doing it too…without me.”
Mary wheeled her around the corner of the house to where there was an almost untouched patch of snow, the only thing marking the snow was a big love heart made of stones.
“We saved this bit for you Lil” said Jillian
“Yeah” said Gemma “we wanted you to make a snow angel to! Come on we’ll help you get over there”
The girls helped Lilly out of her chair and over to the centre of then heart, they helped her lie down in the soft snow and moved her arms and legs to make and angel shape. When Lilly was safely back in the wheel chair Gemma and jillian stood next to her while Mary took a photo of the three of them next to their angel.

“The girls did this on that snowy day because they knew that their sister, Lilly, wouldn’t be around for ever, and they wanted to remember the angel of their hearts.  They wanted Lilly to know that they loved her and they always would remember the first  day they took her out to do the things she thought she couldn’t do. From that day on they took Lilly everywhere with them, even down to the river that summer for her first, and last, picnic. Even though Lilly is now gone they will still always take the angel of their hearts everywhere they go.”

Sunday, 14 August 2011


Oh my FUCKING god it is fucking snowing! Im looking out the window as I type this and it is fucking snowing! can you belive it? it never ever not ever snows in rotorua!

Im like a little kid out there catching snow on my tounge and my two year old and four year old kidlets are like 'mum what the hell? its only snow! clam down'

last time it snowed in rotorua i was seven and my daddy whent up mt Ngongotaha, filled up his truck and came and dumed it out on the drive at my school. what a super hero eh?

This is amazing! It is beautiful! I have this little kid excitment in me at the moment, and im fit to burts with it! its better than a high!

ok, im going out side to catch more snow on my touge now. hehehehehehehehehe

Thursday, 11 August 2011

yay for job interviews.

I had my first job interview in 5 years today!!! It went pretty well Id say and ill get a call tonight to say if I get a second interview or not. Heres hoping I do. Its about time this mum of fives years gets a real job, i cant wait to say to people 'sorry im at work today' and not mean 'sorry im changing shitty nappies and doing washing. yay! ill let you know how we go.

Friday, 5 August 2011

I hate fishing

Im writing this because im procrasternating. The husbeast wants to take thi kidlets fishing on the boat today so by extension thats me to. I hat ethe cold the wet and the smell. ew. Never mind the fact that I am the one who catches sting rays and star fish! I hate it soooooo much!

but ill go. he knows I cave every time, because the kids love it so much and they give me that puppy eyed im-just-going-to-die-if-we-cant-go-face.

Ill take a ball of yarn and crochet my way through a beanie and scratch mittens which I then cant sell because they stink! agh fishing sucks my balls!

Tuesday, 2 August 2011

baby rabies

I have the baby rabies (as I heard it said the other day, it cracked me up) and am soooooo wanting, so much it hurts, another baby. We already have 3 children between us and he is well and done having kids, he is dead set agianst any more kids, at all, ever.
we got married in april and I think he feels that now hes compleated the family by us getting married and bringing all the kids together as one ‘real’ family, But I feel as if our family has just begun to start….

This isnt really coming out how I want it to, its hard to put what im feeling into words, but I need to try and express this in a way others might relate to.

I really want an attempt at giving him a son (we have three girls) and I want to fill my table so that there is no empty seat at dinner time; I want to have an even number of kids and drive a mini bus; I want to be a mother to one more kid, just once more. I loved to be pregnant the last two times and love watching them grow and change, Now i think its time for me to hold a new life in my arms, a life that my husband and I created together.

actually now that i think about it I want to create a life with my Husband. on some deep level I want to do it the 'right' way, in wedlock I guess. im not religious but it just seems right.

this is cheaper than therapy!

Monday, 1 August 2011

the joys of asking for a little help

Benefits, we need them sometimes. Yes some people are ‘dole bludgers’ and make a career out of sitting on their fat buts and collecting a benefit every week that the rest of the contry supplies for them via tax payer dollars, but there are some of us who are genuinely in need of a little help to get back on our feet. We are not asking for a weekly wage for the rest of our lives nor do we wnt that.

I went in to WINZ (work and income New Zealand) to ask for some help with paying for a bond for a rental house so as my family and I can move out of my mums house and into place of our own. Now, because my husband is the one who earns the money, the benefit and aid has to be paid to him, fair enough, and in order for me to act on his behalf and have his benefit paid into my account so I can manage the finances he had to sign a form to allow me to do that, which he did, also fair enough. I took all the paper work (half a fucking forest worth)  into WINZ to day for my 9.30 appointment, I waited for 56minutes to be seen, sat down at the desk with the case manager and started to go through my paper work with him. I handed him the redirection form (the one my husband signed to say the benefit could be paid to me) along with a deposit slip stamped by the bank with my bank account details on it. He then told me ‘sorry I need his bank account details to process the application before I can redirect the benefit to you.’ .  He then asks me to shoot down to the bank and get one….It's my husbands account, the bank wont let me.
 ‘well can you ring him and get him to bring one in?’…hes at fucking work!
 ‘ Well you will have to come back tomorrow with a stamped deposit slip as proof of account.’ (!!!!!!) Then he askes me what my good reason is for having the benefit redirected, ‘because my husband and I agreed that I  should handle the finances as I am better at it than he is. He has a history of money burning a hole in his pocket and dug a big hole of debt that he has only recently, with my help, climbed out of. If our bills are to be paid it needs to go into my account.’
‘have you tried a joint account?’
‘yes, but then he has access to the money and he spends it’
‘oh, well just because he spend money isn’t relly a reason to have it redirected to you. Also why you as opposed to any one else?’
‘I’m his fucking wife! for christs sake, I own him now and he shall do my bidding!’ (ok I made that last bit up just now but I wish I thought of it before, this guys name was mohhamed so it would have gone down a treat!)

To bad that I was supposed to move into my rental house tomorrow and I cant do that with out the bond?

So mr. WINZ case manager, where the fuck am I going to live tonight? ‘You could stay with a friend.’
And all my stuff?my furnature and whiteware? Where will I keep that? ‘ask your mum and dad.’

I packed up my small forest of paper work, told him to rebook me with a competent caase manager as soon as possible and left.

Not my finest moment I’m sure but it was preferable to punching the incompetent fool in the teeth! (note to the police: I would never actually do that, just wishfull thinking!)

So back I go tomorrow…stay tuned, hopefully I will see someone that actually gives a fuck?

children having children

I was 17 when I had my first child. I got pregnant when I was 16 to a guy I was in no relationship with and had no feelings for at all. Even though I was a legal age (16 in NZ) Before I lost my virginity I was still a baby. I was a kid having a kid BUT...

I did not neglect my child, I did not palm off my kid so I could drink and do drugs, I did not drop out of school, I did not sit on my arse collecting a benefit, I was not a shit mum.

I just wanted to say that I am in the majority of younger parents (including young fathers) that actually bring a child into the world and make a good go it. I finished my 7th form year and passed my exams when my baby was three months old then went on to get a diploma in teaching speech and drama. I know many other young parents who have done the same.

I went to a play group with a young girl who was 15 when I met her, she had her little angel at age 14. Despite her mother dropping her off on the door step of a man she suspected of raping her daughter when she found out her daughter was pregnant with , quite possibly, his child, and having no support int he world, this young woman had her baby and raised her to be a very polite, well mannered and smart little angel. She is now 17 and is self sufficient, living in a house she rents with a little dog and her daughter, she has a job and is currently, with the support of the play group, doing NCEA level one.

I tell this story because I want to tell people that we are no what the stereo type tell you we are, most of us are very very good parents and with your support and understanding we can be even better.

I know its hard not to look at a teenager with a baby on her hip and not think 'crap shes a bit young' but please, smile and say 'what a cute wee thing' or just say nothing. but smile.

Thank you, we need your support.